Published in Imprint July 2, 2010

After reading my column for a few weeks, there is one important thing I think you should know.  What I’m about to tell you is something that most people haven’t figured out yet, so it’s kind of secret.  But if you know it, you’ll get better at meeting new people – so obviously I’m going to tell you what it is.  

Networking is not about getting what you want from people.  It’s about connecting others with what they want.

In the comments section of one of my articles (on http://www.imprint.uwaterloo.ca – check it out), someone described networking as, “a tool for the lazy and selfish. Always with the `what can you do for me’ mentality.”  Even though this comment is really critical, I like it.  It highlights what we should all be striving not to do while meeting new people. 

After all, there are many selfish reasons for networking.  Expanding your professional network allows you greater freedom in the places you work, increases your connections to other industries, and presents opportunities you might not otherwise have.  So how does this help anyone but yourself? 

The truth is that lazy and selfish networkers never do help anyone else, and their credibility suffers for it.  The key to networking successfully is helping people in your network achieve their goals. 

Working out, reading, and networking are all equally “selfish” activities.  However, networking involves other people, and it gets a bad reputation when those relationships are abused.  True networkers help others, and are more likely to be helped in return. 

There are a few ways you can ensure you’re not giving people the wrong idea when networking.  First of all, be polite to everyone you meet — even if you’re in a rush or don’t feel like it’s someone you might like to network with. You never know who someone is connected to, and making a bad impression on one person can damage your relationship with others. If you are short on time or feel like you need an exit, be honest about your rushed schedule and offer to follow up with them later.

The next most important thing is to avoid making people feel like you’re only after something you want. If you are only after something you want, it’s going to be obvious and this is a problem. You can (and should) still try to meet the person, but you don’t have to appear superficial or selfish while doing it. It’s important to take a look from the other person’s perspective so you can show them why you might be a valuable person to know. Can’t appeal to their self interest? What about their sense of humour? Sharing a genuine conversation with someone (including stories, jokes and a lot of listening) will build a stronger relationship with someone than any kind of robotic business card exchange.

The secret of networking isn’t about how many people you can meet in the first 60 seconds after you walk into a room. It is about building genuine relationships with people, and that takes time.

If you have a bad experience with selfish and lazy people in the past, don’t give up on networking. Take the time to get to know people and help them achieve their goals — the relationships you build will help you succeed in the future.